Disabling executable code (CGI/SSI/PHP/etc.) on a

I have recently been tasked with opening a sub-domain of a small-scale website that allows trusted users to upload and store files as backups away from their local disks. In general, this new sub-domain will be used to store mainly static Office-type documents (e.g. Microsoft/OpenOffice documents, PDFs, plain text files etc).

I want to ensure that there is a no chance (or realistically, as little chance as physically possible) of a naïve user inadvertently uploading a potentially fatal file, e.g. some nasty PHP script. Ideally, I would like to close down PHP and anything else that could be a security risk (CGI processes, Server-Side Includes etc).

I was just wondering if the Stack Overflow community could help to answer the following question: What is the best way of shutting down all file types/processes that deal with dynamic/executable code, so in effect the the sub-domain is nothing more than a basic static file server?

I have had a look on Google using various keywords/phrases, but I cannot seem to find a good reference to making a sub-domain “safe” as it is possible to do from somebody with a shared server's level of authority.

The website runs on Apache 2.2 on a typical LAMP architecture, and is hosted on a third party shared server.

I DO have access to:

.htaccess (directory level with typical privileges/restrictions)
php.ini and .user.ini (directory level with typical privileges/restrictions)
control panel software with some fairly generous options and features (cPanel X)
fairly flexible web hosts with an excellent tech support service

I DO NOT have access to:

root access (obviously!)
httpd.conf
php.ini (application server level)
mysql.cnf

Please bear in mind that I do not have the resources to just invest in a file server or outsource it to a third-party service. Also, this server is not going to be used in a CDN sense, so performance is not really an issue.

(Also, I don't know what can be done about client-side scripts, e.g. JavaScript/VBScript, but any suggestions would be welcome.)

Thanks in advance!

Simple. Don't provide direct access to the files. Run EVERYTHING through a PHP script, which serves up the content as application/octet-stream. e.g.

<?php

$id = $_GET['id'];
$data = get_file_details_from_database($id);
if (user_is_allowed_to_access($id)) {
   header('Content-type: application/octet-stream');
   readfile($data['path_to_file_on_server']);
}

With this it doesn't matter AT ALL what kind of file they upload - it will never be directly accessible via a direct http://example.com/nastyfile.php-type URL. And if you store the files on the drive using only their internal ID number, and not their user-provided filename, you gain even more security. A webserver might try to execute nastyscript.php, but if it's just 12345 on the drive, the server won't know what to do with it.